Problem Solving with Children

PROBLEM SOLVING . . . it sounds like math homework.  In this instance, it’s a lot more important than finding a solution to an addition equation.  We’re discussing techniques to bring a solution to an issue that is running interference between two or more people.  More specifically, problem solving is a simple strategy children can learn and use to find solutions to the daily problems they encounter as they go about their business of being children while growing into responsible, happy adults.  When children  implement problem solving skills with the peers and adults in their lives they are equipping themselves  with techniques which will benefit them throughout every dimension of their present and future lives.  It is our responsibility, as adults, to teach and model problem solving skills to children.  It is definitely an investment in time, but the ROI (return on investment) is off the charts.  Start investing now!

 

Before problem solving can be taught to children, it must be understood by both parties that problem solving is a process.  The process is a journey which, when finished, finds both parties happy.  The key words here are process and happy.  Let’s take a look at the steps to problem solving with an example of an adult and a child working through to a solution which makes both happy.

1. Assure the child that you are not saying “no” to what they want, rather you are saying there is a problem and let’s see if we can find a solution that makes you happy and me happy. “I am not saying that you cannot take your doll with you to the supermarket.” 

2. State the problem; preferably the child should state the problem.  It can also be important to state both views of the problem. Child’s view: “I want to take my dolly to the store so I can push her in her stroller all by myself.”  Adult’s view: “It’s very busy at the store right now and I’m worried that I will lose you and your dolly.” 

3. Brainstorm solutions and after each idea, ask each party if that solution makes them happy.  Remember in order for a problem to be solved, both parties must be happy.  Adult –“Do you have a suggestion that would make you happy and me happy?”  Child – “I want to take my dolly.”  Adult – “Do you have any ideas about taking your dolly so I wouldn’t worry about you getting lost?”  Child – “I could hold her in the shopping cart and you could push both of us.”  Adult – “Would that make you happy?”  Child – “Yes!”  Adult – “I like that idea.  It makes me happy too.”  

4.  Restate the solution to verify both parties are in agreement.   Child – “I’m going to take my dolly and put her in the shopping cart with me and you are going to push both of us.”  Adult – “We are both happy and we have solved our problem.”

The same four steps are used in child to child problem solving.  When children are new to the process, and just learning the strategies for problem solving, adults should be available to model the steps and help out with the ideas for possbile solutions.  As children become more experienced, they will problem solve on their own without need for adult guidance.

1. Assurance “We’re not saying that you can’t have the ball.”
2. State the Problem “There is one ball and two children that want the ball.  That is a problem.  Let’s think together to find a solution that makes both of you happy.”
3. Brainstorm Solutions  “John’s idea is that he can have the ball first and play for five minutes and then he’ll give you the ball.  John, does that idea make you happy?”  “Clair, does that idea make you happy?”  “Clair is not happy with John getting the ball first.  Do either of you have another idea?”  At some point the children’s list of possible solutions may run dry.  The adult then can ask the children, “I have an idea.  Would you like to hear it?”  The parties involved should continue brainstorming until they have found an idea that makes both parties happy.  This can sometimes be a lengthy process.
4. Restate the Solution “You have decided that you want to play a game of two square and both of you are happy with that idea.” 

It is significant to note, there are times when problem solving strategies are not plausible or possible.  In such events, it is best to delay the problem solving session until later.  That might mean postponing an event, putting up a toy or letting the child know this is an instance when it’s best the adult make the decision. 

Through the problem solving process, children may also learn the value in time well spent.  Sometimes children (and adults) get themselves into an argument they really don’t want to be in and the process of problem solving often helps them realiize the silliness of their actions.  

Frequently, children will tire of the process and decide they want to do something else entirely.  They will agree to let the other child do whatever it was they wanted to do.  That’s okay.  A solution has been found and both children are happy.  Even though the outcome may not have been fair to both parties, the process was completed and both parties are happy.  Adults should not interfere and remember it’s the “process” that’s important for the children to learn.  Children are not dumb.  When there’s a problem that’s important to them, they will not give up until they reach a solution or compromise that makes them happy. 

Never try to problem solve with a child (or an adult) that is angry.  Thinking ceases (the thinking and reasoning part of the brain literally turns off) when the emotion of anger takes over.  Give the child space and time to diffuse his/her anger.  Come back to the process of problem solving once the child is calm.

It is our role as parents, educators, mentors and care-givers to equip our children with tools and techniques to empower them to live and work among others in a peaceful environment.  Learning the strategies of problem solving is a key foundational element to all relationships at home, in the community and in the work place.  Empower the children in your world to be the problem solvers of today and tomorrow!